Can’t orgasm with vaginal penetration? You’re not broken.

There are TONS of misconceptions about sexual health. Let’s start with orgasm.

Most clients I work with are under the assumption that every woman can experience orgasm with vaginal penetration. This is a myth! Only 18% of women report that they can reach orgasm with penile-vaginal penetration alone. Every other woman needs some sort of clitoral stimulation. Sadly, too many clients have told me that because they can’t reach orgasm with vaginal penetration, they feel “broken.” You’re not broken and you’re not alone.

Maybe your friends have told you they can reach orgasm with vaginal penetration, but ask them (if you dare) how they’re actually having sex (that is, the position). If the position involves any sort of clitoral stimulation (for example, being on top), then they may actually be among the 82% of women that require clitoral stimulation for orgasm. Again, you’re not alone. And you’re not broken. You are NORMAL!

Heterosexual men, this is for you: if your female partner cannot reach orgasm during penile-vaginal penetration, this is to be expected. The inability to reach orgasm with vaginal penetration is not an indication of your sexual prowess, your masculinity or how great a lover you are. It’s simply an indication of anatomy. . .

What’s anatomy got to do with it?

Here’s where the story gets a lot more interesting. Why can 18% of women reach orgasm with vaginal penetration? It’s all about anatomy. We know this because of French Princess Marie Bonaparte (I’m not making this up). In the 1920s Marie Bonaparte was frustrated that she herself could not reach orgasm with vaginal penetration. She had an idea as to why she couldn’t and she wanted to test it out. She recruited over 200 women and she measured the distance between each woman’s clitoris and vagina. Her belief was that the longer the distance between clitoris and vagina, the less likely the woman would be able to have orgasm with vaginal penetration. And guess what? She was right! If the distance between a woman’s clitoris and vagina is more than 2.5cm, then that woman is less likely to reach orgasm with vaginal penetration. Thus, it’s all about anatomy. Don’t blame yourself or your partner for the inability to reach orgasm with vaginal penetration, blame your anatomy!

On a side note, Marie Bonaparte wasn’t looking for blame, she was looking for solutions. She paid a surgeon to move her clitoris closer to her vagina. Sadly, the surgery wasn’t successful.

Remember a few things

If you, or your partner, are in the 82% of women who cannot reach orgasm with vaginal penetration, then I want you to remember a few things. First, you (or your partner) are NORMAL! There is nothing wrong with you. Second, there are many ways to reach orgasm beyond vaginal penetration (which will be the topic of a future blog post). Third, if you are someone who has had this misconception, it makes sense you thought this because we live in a country were most people either didn’t get sex education, or if they did, their sex education was comprised of “Don’t get pregnant” and “Here are all the diseases you will contract.” This leads to much sexual confusion and dysfunction!

If you’re not happy with your current orgasmic situation (or your sexual health), consider seeing a sex therapist to help you maximize and/or accept your orgasmic function.